Lesson 25

Something horrible happened today. A 20 year old killed his mother, then went to her kindergarten classroom and killed her 20 students, the principal, 5 other adults, and then himself. There are a few injured and in the hospital. Right now, you're too young to understand anything on the tv, and by the time you're old enough to understand, today will be nothing but a date some people remember and there might be a 20 second news blurb on local news. The whole thing is sad and senseless. All anyone can do is tell their kids they love them and hope they've done the best they can to teach them right from wrong and made sure that they know they can always ask for help if they need it. Which brings me to lesson 25...


I'm sure that over the next weeks and months there is going to be a lot of talk about what should have been done, and what needs to be done. Everything from gun control to mental health services. More of this, less of that. The truth is, I don't think anyone has an answer. Out of the 2 of us, I'm more of a believer in gun control than your dad, but I also don't believe the answer is to do away with all guns. The point is, everyone is a "Monday Quarterback" after things like this. Everyone is always convinced they had the answer to prevent the situation, or the perfect action to stop it before it got worse. That's all crap. Sometimes horrible, awful things happen. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes there is a reason, it's just not good enough. If anyone knew how to prevent these things 100% of the time we'd all live in a utopia. That doesn't mean we should shrug things like this off. Always know there are options, people who have mental health needs should be given that help. I would hope if you ever thought you or anyone you knew thought doing something so outrageous that you'd come to us and ask for help. Sometimes people just snap, it's no one's fault but their own. I'm sure more than once the parenting of the person will be brought up. I'm sure that the shooter's mother always thought "not my kid" when things like this happen. I doubt any mother could look at her child and think they were capable of it. Sometimes life just gives you the questions, and not the answers. It's not fair, and it's not comforting. All you can do is hug each other a little tighter and resolve to do what you can to keep it from happening again.

Lesson 24

Time's a flyin'. We just finished up Halloween. You were adorable, dressed as a cowboy and you were so excited to say "trick or treat" that you practiced for 2 weeks. I went to two houses with you, but Dad says you said thank you to every single person and even tried giving candy to a few of them. I tried to make sure you had a great "1st" Halloween. We went to the pumpkin patch and you made an Elmo pumpkin, which you have to greet and say goodbye too whenever we leave the house. I had my surgery 2 weeks before Halloween, so we never did get to making the haunted gingerbread house. I think I'm going to just save it, buy some Christmas colored things, and we'll make it for Thanksgiving. Nana got married, you were the best man. Everyone thought you were the cutest thing ever. You did really well standing still, though we had to cut pictures short because you started crying. There was a dog that was there, he got really scared after someone hit him. You lost your mind, "the dog is scared momma!" It was so sad, but it was sweet too. The only way we could finally calm you down was to convince you that the dog ran to play with the others, though I never saw him again that night. Apparently, the owners are quite rough and not very nice to their animals. Which brings me to lesson 24.

You already seem to have a good grasp on empathy for others, even animals. Animals are just that. Animals. Some are dumb, some are stupid, some are mean as hell, others are angels. There is a huge difference between disciplining an animal and abusing it. Never hit an animal out of meanness. Maybe a swat on the hip if they're being to rough or such, but never beat an animal. They don't know better. Always remember that animals are defenseless, domesticated animals depend on humans to care for them. Never take advantage of that. A hurt animal can be dangerous, so never try to help one without knowing what to do, and if possible calling someone who's a professional. I'll never understand people who think it's ok to beat an animal just because they're not humans. They have feelings, they are capable of having pain. While I don't agree with all of the things PETA fights for, (ok, MOST) I do agree that you should be kind to them. A person's character can be judged by how they treat the weakest of animals. Except snakes. They're still evil. ;)

Lesson 23

Oh boy, so much has been going on the last few weeks that I've been slacking in writing again. You're about 90% potty trained. We're still working on getting you to tell us when you need to go and you going #2 on the potty, but you're staying dry almost all the time now. I'm scheduled for surgery in 2 weeks. The tumor is going to have to come out, though everyone tells me that it's going to be pretty simple and quick. Pain for a few days and some muscle pain for a few days, but everything should be fine. We found out today that the baby is a boy, you've been saying you wanted a girl, but I don't think you'll be disappointed.  Dad has had the biggest good news. Due to some business things, we'll be getting a nice check in the mail. Nice enough that we're talking about a new house and where we'd like to move to. If we're going to move, I'd like for it to happen before you start school. I moved around a lot as a kid and hated it. I went to 2 different high schools, 2 different jr. highs, 3 middle, 2 elementary. I went from elementary to middle back to elementary to jr high to high school, back to jr. high, and then high school twice. More than once I went from being in a school with lots of friends to a new school with few to none. I hated the school I graduated from, to this day if it were to burn down, I'd go tap dance on the ashes. Which brings us to lesson 23.

School, especially high school, sucks. Even if you're the popular kid, the whole social process sucks. Sure, there are dances, sports, girls, and other stuff, but there are also things that just suck. Kids, especially today, seem to be getting more and more sadistic and cruel. Schools are making rules and policies to try and combat it that do little more than suck the growth out of being a teen. One week you're the most popular kid in class, then you do something stupid and you're teased non-stop. I don't want you to think school is all horrible, for the most part, I've always enjoyed school. I enjoyed *most* of my classes and extracurriculars. I did make a couple of good friends that I'm still in contact with. I even look fondly on my first 2 high school years. My point is that no matter how awful or awesome your high school experience is, it's not forever. You'll go to college, you'll meet new people, you'll even re-invent yourself a bit. College is a whole new ball game. Then, you'll graduate and start in the real world, which will be another new game. New people, new friends. As you get older you'll realize things like who's dating who, who's driving what, and what people think of you really doesn't matter. I wish I could tell 15 year old me all of that, but sadly, even if I could have, I probably wouldn't have believed me. Just like you probably won't believe me now. Trust me though, those "best years of your life" will pass and you'll find there are plenty more that are better ahead of you. 

Lesson 22

We're full in potty training you right now. On the top of the list of "Things I Never Thought I'd Say" is the sentence: "William! We do NOT pee pee on the cat." Yet, this morning, I found myself forcing that sentence out to keep from laughing. You and Dad were going to take a shower, so I stripped you down, but Dad wasn't quite ready. You've never peed in the floor before, so I wasn't worried. I came around the corner, just in time to see you grab your "sausage," aim for Fubar, and let a stream go. After nailing him right between the eyes, (good aim btw) you lifted your other arm in triumph and yelled "I did it!!" I passed you off to Dad for your shower, and promptly laughed until I cried. It was one of those things that I could have gotten crazy mad about, or laughed. There are lots of those kinds of situations in life. Which brings me to lesson 22...

Learn to laugh at things in life. Obviously something like a sudden death isn't going to be laughable, but don't sweat the small stuff. There's a long joke about how EVERY year, we burn a batch of rolls at Thanksgiving. You'd think at some point someone would have lost their temper over it, but we've just started making 2 batches knowing one will inevitably burn. Doesn't matter if we sit and watch it, something comes up and we forget. Things like pee on the cat, burned bread, spilled milk, even when somethings break are just minor bumps in life. Save the stress and anger for things that merit them. No body wants to be around that guy who loses his marbles every time something minor happens.

Lesson 21

There's an election coming up soon. There have been so many ads on the tv, I'm close to throwing it out the window. As I've gotten older, I hate those ads more and more. They breed uneducated voters. Anyone who does their research isn't going to be swayed by those ads, only people who just vote to say the did are. I'm very liberal, Dad was a registered Republican when we got married, though he changed "sides' when Obama ran. I don't know how long that will last, but for right now he's pretty unhappy with the state of the Republican party. Who knows how your chips will fall, I can tell you that even though I'm very liberal, there are somethings I'm conservative about. You're dad is the same way, somethings he's very conservative on and others very liberal. They key to being an educated voter is to make informed decisions and vote for who you think will best fulfill the role you're voting for. Never paint yourself into a corner just because you're affiliated with one side or the other. Your uncle Keith is a Republican, but I'd vote for him in a heartbeat if we lived in his county. He's a good DA. Which brings me to lesson 21.

If you're going to vote, do it knowing the issues. Read the news, the conservative news, the liberal news, even the foreign news. Watch news programs. Research policies. Don't take one person's word that a candidate is better than another. Decide what is important to you, what you're willing to compromise on, then research the candidates. Don't settle for what I tell you makes a good politician, or what your dad tells you. Argue with us, respectfully. :) Dad loves a good political debate. Arguing will make you think about the issues, and hearing other points of view will make you think about the other "side." Never get into a debate with someone who keeps bringing religion into why they're voting. It will never work out. That's why there is a list of people in the family I won't even discuss it with. Not everyone believes in the same God, not everyone believes there IS a God. You can't argue against something that isn't constant. I'll admit, I'm not very good at debating. I get really irritated when I hear broad generalizations about groups and statements that leave no room for compromise. The point is, if you're going to vote, do it right. Make sure you really believe the person is right for the job, not because a commercial or a pamphlet told you so. Vote for them because you really do think they'll be the best person for the job.

Lesson 20

Well, things have been kinda crazy around here the last few weeks. Right before my first prenatal appointment, I found a lump in my chest. Long story short, the doctors want me to have it removed, sooner rather than later. Combine that with pregnancy hormones, and I've been prone to crying at the drop of a hat. You've been so cuddly lately. I'm not sure if its because of the baby or because you're picking up on some of the other things going on. Either way, I like cuddles. :) The thing that worries me most about this whole thing is that it has made me think about not being able to see you grow up. I can't imagine not watching you on your first day or school, or when you graduate college, or when you get married, when you have kids of your own... and then starts the crying. Your poor dad has been a good guy about not making fun of me, but I worry that if something were to happen, you wouldn't remember me. Ok, I'm a hormonal mess, but it brings me to lesson 20...


If something should happen, and I don't get to see some or any of those things, I want you to know that I wanted to. So bad. I don't know what could have happened to keep me from it, but I want you to know that I'm sure I fought hard to keep it from happening. Whether it was a long illness, or a sudden accident. Whatever happened, I didn't go willingly and I fought as hard as I could to keep from leaving you and your dad. I know, this is a bummer lesson, sorry about that. See, when I have time to think about things too much, I stew. The more I stew, the more upset I get. The more upset I get, the more I want to tell you everything you'll ever need to know now. It's a nasty cycle. I told you I was a worrier. :) I'm sure that whatever it is that I have to have fixed will be fine, but just in case, I want you to know that you're my favorite person.

Lesson 19

Well, about 15  minutes after our last lesson, I took a pregnancy test. You're now going to be a big brother. You've already been asking me about where the baby is, can you kiss the baby, and telling the baby night night. I think you're already smitten. I never had a big brother. I always wanted one. I'm a big sister, I was the responsible one. Also the bossy one. No matter what kind of sister I am, something must have stuck, because no matter hard I try, I can't get rid of your uncle... (That was a joke. :) ) There is something about being the oldest child. I almost feel a little guilty about being pregnant again. Your life is going to change, you're no longer going to be the center of the universe around here. You're going to have to learn how to share, you're going to have to learn to help a bit around the house, and you're going to have to learn how to look after your baby brother and sister. Which brings me to lesson 19.

Being a "Big" is a big responsibility but it's fun. You're going to have a little brother or sister, for life. Forever. Long after Dad and I are gone, you're going to have your brother or sister. You'll always look out for each other, you'll always worry about each other. Some days he/she is going to hate you. Some days you're going to hate him/her. You'll get into trouble together, and you'll blame each other. If you're anything like your uncle and me, you'll probably have some fist fights along the way. That's the point of having siblings. There's something about having a brother/sister that teaches you things nothing else in life can. Always look out for your brother/sister. Don't rat them out for every little thing, but know when you need to. Don't take on their responsibilities, but help them out when they need it. Having a sibling can be one of the greatest things, on days when you want to strangle him/her keep telling yourself that. Cause, God knows, you're going to need to.

Lesson 18

Exactly 11 years ago today, I was sitting in the basement of a church, eating BBQ trying (and miraculously succeeding) to keep it off my wedding dress, and making sure no one was bored at our wedding reception. Looking back on it, your dad and I were pretty young to get married. I wasn't even old enough to have champagne with our toast. I met your dad when I was 15, he was 17. Just over a year older, but because of our birth dates, 2 months out of the year he's 2 years "older." We were high school sweet hearts, married the summer of my second year of college. By the time we were married, we had known each other for almost 6 years. I know a lot of people never thought we'd get married, and some didn't think it would last because we were so young. Which brings me to lesson 18...

One day, you're going to fall head over heels for someone. It may happen when you're 12, it may happen when you're 22. I'm going to bet it will happen in high school. While, I know that MOST high school relationships rarely work out, I promise I'll try to not tell you it's puppy love. I know that it can work out. I also know it takes a lot of work, especially at that age. It won't be pretty or easy, but it is possible. Your dad actually broke up with me when I was a junior in high school. The break up lasted all of 6 months, and we've been together ever since. I know teen love is real. So is the heart break from it. Even if you don't marry each person you are so sure you love when you're that age. I also know that if you're really, truly meant to be with someone, you'll get back together. Either because of a nasty tornado like us, or because you bump into each other on the street. It could happen months later, or even years. Just remember that not every relationship has to last for ever, nor do they have to be short. One day, you'll meet someone. You'll fall head over heels. Maybe for a month, maybe for a year, maybe for a lifetime. Just remember, when you do find the "one" it will work out. If it doesn't work out, it will hurt. Bad. That doesn't change if you're 12 or 22.

Lesson 17

Time flies. I didn't mean to wait so long before my next entry, we've had a LOT of family in town the last month, Uncle Keith, Nikki, Chrissy, all the boys... add the 4th of July to that and the ER visit for my back, and we've been swamped. You've done so well too. No tantrums, and you've been listening. You're even doing pretty well potty training. Last week, Uncle Keith, Grandma, Grandpa and the three of us went out for lunch. An older man, maybe in his 70s made a point to come over to our table before he left to tell us you were the most well behaved child he'd seen in a restaurant in a long time. I was a little embarrassed, but thanked him just the same. I do think there is a definite difference in how children act today compared to when I was a kid, but I would imagine every generation says that. I do know that with all the play dates we've had lately, we've had a lot of kids over and out of all of them, only 2 so far were well behaved enough that I wouldn't mind having them over again for inside play. It's a fine line to walk when you have other people's children in your home. Especially when the parents are over too. You can't really discipline them, and you have to be careful not to offend a parent when you ask a child to do something or to stop doing something. Which brings me to lesson 17...

No one is ever going to raise their children the way you think they should. There are thousands and thousands of books giving parenting advice. I would imagine at least some of them are right. Still, there are no perfect parents nor are there perfect children. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect. I will say you are one of the most polite two year olds I've seen. I'd like to take credit, but I think some of that just comes from you. Everyone has advice to give, but no one is perfect. Don't ever get into an argument over how to raise a child (unless it is with the mother of YOUR child.) you'll never win it. People don't take well to being given unsolicited advice on parenting. It feels like criticism and no one wants to be criticized. The street goes the other way as well. Always be gracious about unsolicited advice, and then choose on your own whether or not you want to follow it. If the advice giver is stepping over boundaries, just say, "We prefer XYZ. Thanks." Leave it at that. If they continue badgering you, just walk away. Raising a child(ren) is hard enough without letting other people get inside your head. Besides, if you do end up raising the perfect child, you can write a book.

Lesson 16

I had my yearly check up this week. I had to take you with me. While we were there, I needed to have blood drawn for a routine test. As soon as you saw the needle you started saying, "No Mamma no. No hurt Momma." You didn't want the tech to stick me. In fact, you tried to get out of your stroller to push him away. I have a long history of avoiding going to the doctor, dentist, or other medical appointments. I don't like going. I have had a bad fear of dentists for a long time, I've always been afraid of the possibility of pain. There are a lot of things that I would do differently when it comes to my health. I've been working on getting over it the last few years. Which brings me to lesson 16.


Never put off your health. Go in for regular check ups. Have your cholesterol tested. Do your routine dental cleanings. Make sure you take care of yourself and take vitamins. When you get older, you'll find that keeping up on these things will help keep you healthy, and give you peace of mind that you're ok. Don't let being afraid of a needle or having a cavity keep you from staying healthy. In the end, all that happens is you'll need more help to fix problems, which will only hurt more. A quick shot may hurt for a day or 2, but the problem it prevents is much worse.

Lesson 15

About 2 months ago, Davy Jones died. This will more than likely mean nothing to you, but Davy Jones was my first crush. I don't know what will be popular by the time you read this, but just think about if your favorite celebrity died.I had always wanted to go to a Monkees concert, but since one member never wanted to do a reunion tour, it never happened. Instead, I decided I wanted to see Davy Jones in concert, he was my favorite anyway. About a month before he passed, he was in town. I had the opportunity to go, and Dad would have taken me. The tickets were outrageous though because it was for a charity event, we could have paid for it, but I thought we could use the money for something else. So, I decided we'd wait it out and I'd go the next time he came to town. A month later he passed suddenly from a heart attack. This brings me to lesson 15.

If you get the chance to do something, and you're able, do it. Don't wait for the next time around, it may not happen. I've been kicking myself for 2 months now, and I'll probably continue to do it for a long time. It may not be seeing your favorite singer, you might decide you want to backpack around Europe. If that is what you want to do, and you're able to do it, you should go for it. Who knows if you'll still be able to when you're a little older, or when the price is better. There are always going to be circumstances beyond your control, you should take your opportunities when they come. Otherwise, you'll miss out on something.

Lesson 14

You're going through this new phase where you won't go to sleep 100% on your own. Right now, you're asleep. Down for your nap before an overnight trip to Nana's. It took me 30 minutes to get you that way. You've been sleeping with every blanket you can get your hands on. This morning, I counted 15 blankets in your bed. Dad is worried you're going to suffocate, but I think you get it from me. I like having lots of soft blankets and pillows in bed. Truth is, while I don't sleep as well when your Dad is out of town, I sleep GREAT before he comes to bed, when I can have all the pillows. However, you don't JUST want blankets. You want "Momma's blanket" and "Dad's blanket." I've taken to lying about your blankets being ours just to get you into the bed. Which brings me to lesson 14.

One day, you're going to have kids (or maybe not, but this will still apply to nieces, nephews, and other kids.) You need to learn to lie. I'm not talking Santa Claus lies, I'm talking about the thinking fast on your feet lies. Lies like, yes, this blanket I'm trying to get you to take is Momma's. I know you've been sleeping with it since birth, but it's Momma's. Lies like, "That was the last cookie, they're all gone." Which somehow makes it ok to not get another cookie, even though 5 minutes before you were screaming for one. So far, my favorite lie by far is "I don't know, what is it?" Which is kinda in the grey area of lie and making you think. You ask me at least 1,000 times a day "What's that?" 99% of the time, you know what it is. Also, when you say "what's that?" You sound like you're saying, "Oh Shit?" So by saying, "I dunno, what is it?" I'm making it clear to others that you're not a sailor in training, and also make you answer your own question. Which also makes you stop asking what that one thing is. Over, and over. You'll need to know these "kid hacks" because they'll save your sanity. Because, God knows I love you, but if you ask me one more time what the wall is... I might bang my head against it.

Lesson 13

Last weekend was Easter. You were so adorable. As soon as you saw your Easter basket, you screamed, "BASKET!" and took off running down the stairs to get to it. You ran all around the yard looking for more and more eggs, even though I had about 4 dozen plastic eggs for you to find. We eventually gave up and just started taking some out when you weren't looking and tossing them around so you could hunt for a little longer. I took you to see the Easter bunny, but you wouldn't even sit in his lap. I think we've finally learned stranger danger. You've never been one to shy away from people, especially the ladies. You are such a flirt! Every time we see a woman you start yelling, "Hi girl!" You'll even ignore men if there is a girl around. Doesn't matter if they're 2 or 42. We're going to be in a lot of trouble when you get older. Which brings me to lesson 13.

I like to think of myself as a feminist. There are a lot of amazing women who endured horrible things just so women could vote and have the same rights as men. There are millions of wonderful women out there, one day you're going to start dating. I want you to know, women can be crazy. I don't say this lightly, not all women are nuts, and I don't think you should assume they are. Just know that there are some women out there who will do things like trick you into getting her pregnant. Or suck all your money dry and leave. A lot of things. Just remember to never leave birth control up to your partner. Pay for dinners and things, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of. Don't hit a woman, but if one hits you kick her to the curb. You can learn a lot about a woman from her friends. If you don't like one or two of her friends, that's not a big deal. However, if out of 15 of her "BFFs" all of them are crazy, that's an indicator. Crazy likes crazy.

Lesson 12

Another month has gone by, and not that I didn't have things to say, but we've had a doozy of a month. You caught a nasty bug, but fought it off. Then I got it. Then, your dad caught it and it developed into a nasty sinus infection. So I've been running around wiping noses for a month. :)

2 nights ago, our sewer line got clogged. It ended up not being a huge deal, the tree's roots had grown through into the pipe. There was some water back up, but on the scale of "over flow toilet" to "oh my God, we're swimming in poop" we were probably at, "damn that's annoying and gross." Your poor dad has had 2 sewer problems now in a month. Hopefully this will be the end of it. (By the way, I want it in writing, that I told your Dad what the problem was within 10 minutes of finding out the line was backed up. He thought I was crazy.) You don't want poop soup in your basement. Which brings me to lesson 12.

They make a wonderful product called RootX. If, by some chance, they have stopped making it by the time you have your own place, it kills tree roots. It doesn't kill the tree, just keeps the roots at bay. It will kill the tree if you use too much. I will buy you a can when you get your first place. Also, Roto-rooter, not cheap, but do YOU want to wade in gross? They're worth the money. If this ever happens to you, and you're broke. This will be one loan you're guaranteed from us. ;) Buying the snake from the store will only work if the clog is within the distance it goes, ours wasn't even half of what was needed. In summation: Don't wanna swim in poop? Buy root killer. If that fails, call roto rooter. I never said EVERY life lesson had to be profound. 

Lesson 11

Your mom... has a temper. I don't have much tolerance for intolerance. Which, in itself I guess is a sign I'm self hating. Anyway, I read today about a group called "One Million Moms" who are boycotting and organizing a complaint campaign to a national store for choosing Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesman. (In case Ellen is no longer popular, she's a homosexual talk show host.) As I looked up their Facebook page, I was floored about the amount of crap they are spewing about "traditional" family values. When in reality, traditional family values mean squat. VALUES have meaning. FAMILY has meaning. TRADITION is just a word people use for "1 mom, 1 dad, and kids." Stringing them all together doesn't change that. "Traditional Family Values" is just a way for jerks to judge people based on what they think is right. Which brings me to lesson 11.

I was raised in a divorced and re-married home. While I'm sure there are times you would disagree, I turned out just fine. Dad was raised in a married home that was created after a divorce, so he has step siblings of his own. They all turned out just fine. The neighbors have 2 children who are smart, energetic, and polite. They are also raised by two moms, whom I might add, are more active in their kids' lives than a lot of hetero couples I know. I hope by the time you read this that I have instilled in you that every family unit has worth. If you have built your family on a strong set of values it won't matter who is on tv selling a sweater. Those values should be strong enough to do what is right, without trying to make everyone else conform to them.