Lesson 43

Every time I turn around, months go by. It's August. You're going to be starting first grade in 13 days. I'm doing much better this year, last year I'd be in tears by now. We've spent our summer completing your bucket list. I had to come up with a bucket list for your 1st summer, it worked out so well that it might become a yearly tradition for us. We've gone to the movies, parks, trampoline parks, fed ducks, next week we're going to Legoland and the planetarium. We've done 1 "fun" thing a week all summer. I was looking at photos and videos of you just the other day. Some just a year old, some from when you were 7 weeks old. Even back then I can see your personality. You're such a happy kid. Every thing is funny right now, especially if it has the word butt or poop in it. I think that being in school has made you appreciate NOT being in school so much. Which brings me to lesson 43.


One day, you're going to have a job. I hope it's a great job, with great pay, doing something you love. But still, it's going to be a job. Learn to let it go and have play time. You might not be able to just be 100% "off the clock" as soon as you leave, but set firm boundaries on work time. Dad sometimes has to work all night long if something breaks at work. That doesn't happen as often as it used to, but ever since you were born, he makes sure that he's doing what he can to keep work at work so that he can spend time with you. Working hard is great, but the reason you work hard is so you can also enjoy life. Go to the movies, go on trips... do something other than just sitting at a desk all day and worrying about work.

Lesson 42

Last night, a terrorist group named ISIS attacked multiple spots in Paris, France. I pray to God that by the time you're old enough to read this, things like this are nothing more than a note in a history book. You and Dad REALLY got into baseball this year. It seems only fitting that they also won the World Series this year. You loved staying up and watching the game. You and Dad watched on the couch and we ate junk food every night. I felt awful that the win came 2 hours past your bedtime on a school night. If I had known with 100% certainty, I would have let you stay up. We made it to the parade though. We went and sat for 4 hours at the side of a blocked in street, half a block from Dad's office. Over 800,000 people were there. Schools (including yours) closed for the day. We saw the trophy. We saw the players. It was a great day. I took a lot of pictures and made sure that I paid special attention to remember everything. Which brings me to Lesson 42...


I'm not going to lie. I was also scared shitless. A couple of years ago, someone set off bombs at the Boston Marathon. A boy, not much older than you, was killed. I almost had a panic attack at the thought of us being down there with all those people. If Dad hadn't announced at the last minute that he wanted to go, I may have stayed home. I watched you guys, but I also watched people. I watched for anyone who didn't seem to belong. I watched for people who had bags. I watched for unattended bags. I watched the trashcans. BUT we went. We went and we had fun. We made memories. These assholes WANT us to be afraid. I'm not going to pretend it isn't working, but I don't want my children growing up being scared to go outside. I struggle with that almost anytime we go out to a major event at a public place. I run scenarios in my mind about how I would try my best to protect you. It's not right. No one should have those thoughts. No one should live with that fear. I'm not going to pretend to know the answer to the problem. I wish I did. All I can do is hope that it won't be a problem forever. Hope that those assholes either come to their senses or they die. Hope that the new generation of their children see what their parents are and work to be better. Until then, I have to put on my game face and have fun. Even when it scares me.

Lesson 41

Here we are. Less than 2 weeks before you start school. We've filled the summer with lazy days, trips to Legoland and the aquarium, days at Paradise Park, time at the pool, our first family vacation, and a few park days when it wasn't so hot outside we'd fry. I hope you're ready. Some days you're excited about school, others you're not. I know you're going to do well. You're so smart. You ask tons of questions. You're reading pretty well, even if you refuse to do it. Your writing still needs work, but you're stubborn like Dad, so I'm just going to let the teacher solve that problem. I don't want you to hate it before you even start. You have a good base skill on writing, you'll learn quickly. My anxiety for you is increasing. I worry about you meeting friends, and how you'll adapt to lunch at the same time every day, with limited eating time. (You like to eat slow, and you're picky!) We bought your school clothes, and I almost cried. You're grown up. I don't mean that I don't still have a lot of parenting to do or that you don't still have years of growing to do. But now I'm going to have to share you. Share you with new friends and teachers. Share you with new activities and experiences. I'm not going to be there for all of your firsts anymore. The first time you eat lunch at school. The first time you're picked first for a team at recess. I'll be ok. You'll be ok. I'm planning to have a tea party all ready for you the first day you get off the bus so I can hear all about it. :) Which brings me to lesson 41...


I love you. I love you forever. I will always want to hear about your day. I will always want to hear about your life. I would hope by now that I don't need to say it, but in case I do. I will always want you to talk to me about anything. Even on days when I don't think my brain can take anymore. I'm not going to lie, I know there are times where I tune you out a bit. (In my defense you DO talk ALL the time. Like me. ;) ) I know there's going to be a time when you don't want to talk to me. I know you'll grow out of it. It will kill me, but I'll get through it. I know eventually, the "teen years" will be over and you'll be back to telling me things. (I was a teen too.) But always know that I will always want to hear about you. So, in 2 weeks when we have our tea party and you tell me all about your first day of school I will listen, and I promise, I won't freak out if you tell me you had your first kiss on your first day.

Lesson 40

Oh my first born. I haven't been as regular about these things as I'd like. Some of it is because we've been busy, and some is because I don't want to write just for the sake of doing it. I want these to mean something. We are enrolling you in school tomorrow. Early! In fact, I couldn't believe it when I saw that enrollment was starting in February. I cried all day. Then, we had the information meeting. I cried the whole way home. I'm sure I'll cry all day tomorrow to. I'm not dealing with you going to school well. It feels like the end. Not that I think you're going to hate school or you're going to move away tomorrow, it's just the first step. The first step you're going to take to grow up. It makes me look back at the last 5 years, and the mommy guilt whispers into my ear. Which brings me to lesson 40...

No matter what you do, when push comes to shove, there is going to be a little part of you that is going to feel like you should have done more. It's good in a way, it will help drive you to success. It will help you strive for being the best. But it's a kick in the ass when it works against you. I keep thinking back to the days when we have just sat at home, hanging out while I cleaned or did laundry. The days where we might not even leave the house for a couple of days because we just vegged out. I have to keep reminding myself of the trips to Legoland, the aquarium, Fritz's, the park, Union Station... you get the idea. I *KNOW* I'm a good mom, the best? I'm sure there are better ones, but I'm sure there are much worse ones too. I think at the end of the day, worrying you didn't do enough is a good sign. It shows you know you can always improve and always work on doing better. Don't let it drag you down, use it to your advantage. Always look for ways to do it better in the future, but don't let that make you feel like what you did accomplish wasn't enough.

Lesson 39

I know, I know. A long time since my last post. I know I say it every time, but we've been pretty swamped. Dad had his pacemaker put in, and just as things were getting back to normal around here, he had to go in for his valve repair. That took open heart surgery, and 6 weeks of recovery time before he's getting back into things. Let's see, we got a dog. She was a beagle. She was 7, but she kept doing her business in the floor. Even our bed. We tried our hardest to re-train her, but after 2 months we ended up taking her back to the rescue. You handled it well, Dad didn't even though he's the one that made the call. We've spent the summer swimming, going to the park, and even a couple trips to Paradise Park. We've spent a lot at home too, we got lucky and had a pretty mild summer except for a couple weeks of crazy hot. You've been swinging outside and running around, dying for your brother to be able to walk and chase you. We had a small herb garden and tomatoes growing on the back deck. You loved watching them and taking care of them. Anytime I picked anything, you wanted to do it Which brings me to lesson 39...


It's good to care for living things. Even just plants. It's very good for kids to do it. One day, when I have grandbabies, plant them a garden. It doesn't have to be much. We did tomato plants in 2 large planters on our deck and various herbs in some window boxes. Every morning you would run out to see if there were any "matoes" yet. When it was time to pick them, you were so careful to not knock off any of the other blooms. Once, you knocked off a bloom and spent 10 minutes trying to put it back. Finally, you buried it under the dirt so it would grow a new plant. It didn't work, but you had fun doing it. Tending a garden helps teach skills. Patience, self sustainability, it grows a knowledge of how to care for plants, and makes kids more willing to try new foods. Before growing our own, you refused to eat tomatoes. After growing them, I hardly got any of our cherry tomatoes because you would eat them right off the plant! Right now, our herbs are looking a bit ragged, mostly because it was a learning curve for me, I've never grown and used fresh herbs, but they're great. Much cheaper too, we're going to expand next year I think. You're already excited about planting more too. If nothing else, $50 will buy you a summer of "something to do" with the kid(s). 

Lesson 38

Wow, I really missed a few months there, didn't I? I've been kinda swamped. I've been doing all the stuff Dad usually does while he heals up, last weekend he was finally cleared for "duty" so things have slowed down a little now. You're growing like a weed, firmly in the "what will happen if...." phase. If I have to answer one more "Mom, what would happen if the Roomba does..." I might toss the damn thing out the window. I try to answer your questions as much as I can, but you ask a lot. :) I hope that you never stop doing that, I mean, you can stop asking me 100 questions an hour, but I hope you always want to know why and you always find out. We recently got you a library card, you were so excited. In fact, yesterday we brought home 12 books. It reminds me of when I was a kid, my grandmother used to take me to the library all the time. I knew our local library better than my house. I read and re-read so many books that I know a lot of the children's books by heart. When I found out I was pregnant with you, the first thing I bought was a collection of Curious George. I would read any book I could get my hands on. If I found a book that belonged to the library, I'd always return it... after I read it. Which brings me to lesson 38...


It's important to always have an interest in learning. It doesn't have to be something like Calculus or brain surgery, but learning is what makes people grow as a person. You can do that by reading. You don't even have to read information books, you can read fiction and learn things. I know it's cliche, but you really can go anywhere in a book. I read to you every night and you're finally getting interested in reading yourself, I know you might not enjoy it the same way I do, but I hope you find something you can enjoy. It's an interesting feeling, reading a book. You get to know the characters. You learn their flaws and it makes you a better person. You start to empathize with others better. You can almost see parts of the world you probably will never go, and become interested in places you will. By the time you get this, paper books might be practically non-existent, but books have a smell. They smell almost like history. The history of all the people who have read and connected with that book in some way, you become part of that history for a long time after you've read it. A book will change you forever. Sometimes it's not noticeable, other times it will be so profound that you will never forget the lesson or character you fell in love with on those small pages. What you read in life will help you define who you are. So read often, and read a variety of things.  

Lesson 37

Holidays are over, your birthday is over, we're on to our new year. Dad had a pacemaker put in last week. You did pretty well, we didn't tell you a whole lot about it, but you were worried. Nana stayed at our house with you and Mathew while I stayed the night with Dad at the hospital, but we were back home the next morning. I have noticed that since this all started, you're starting to have trouble controlling your temper. I don't know if the timing is coincidence or not, but we're working on it. Anytime a toy or something doesn't work the way you want, your blocks for example, you get frustrated and growl. Sometimes you'll throw the toy, and you'll yell. You come by it honestly, Dad and I both have tempers sometimes. As we've gotten older, we've mellowed out and learned to deal with it. Which brings me to lesson 37...

There are going to be things that frustrate and anger you. It could be bad traffic like Dad, or inconsiderate people like me. What is important is that you learn how to deal with it without blowing up. Take a breath, walk away, or just think about what is frustrating you being smashed in a car crusher. If you go through life blowing up at small things, you're going to find it hard to find and keep friends. No one wants to worry that their friend is going to get mad about something and cause a scene, or wind up in jail.