Oh my first born. I haven't been as regular about these things as I'd like. Some of it is because we've been busy, and some is because I don't want to write just for the sake of doing it. I want these to mean something. We are enrolling you in school tomorrow. Early! In fact, I couldn't believe it when I saw that enrollment was starting in February. I cried all day. Then, we had the information meeting. I cried the whole way home. I'm sure I'll cry all day tomorrow to. I'm not dealing with you going to school well. It feels like the end. Not that I think you're going to hate school or you're going to move away tomorrow, it's just the first step. The first step you're going to take to grow up. It makes me look back at the last 5 years, and the mommy guilt whispers into my ear. Which brings me to lesson 40...
No matter what you do, when push comes to shove, there is going to be a little part of you that is going to feel like you should have done more. It's good in a way, it will help drive you to success. It will help you strive for being the best. But it's a kick in the ass when it works against you. I keep thinking back to the days when we have just sat at home, hanging out while I cleaned or did laundry. The days where we might not even leave the house for a couple of days because we just vegged out. I have to keep reminding myself of the trips to Legoland, the aquarium, Fritz's, the park, Union Station... you get the idea. I *KNOW* I'm a good mom, the best? I'm sure there are better ones, but I'm sure there are much worse ones too. I think at the end of the day, worrying you didn't do enough is a good sign. It shows you know you can always improve and always work on doing better. Don't let it drag you down, use it to your advantage. Always look for ways to do it better in the future, but don't let that make you feel like what you did accomplish wasn't enough.
