Lesson 14

You're going through this new phase where you won't go to sleep 100% on your own. Right now, you're asleep. Down for your nap before an overnight trip to Nana's. It took me 30 minutes to get you that way. You've been sleeping with every blanket you can get your hands on. This morning, I counted 15 blankets in your bed. Dad is worried you're going to suffocate, but I think you get it from me. I like having lots of soft blankets and pillows in bed. Truth is, while I don't sleep as well when your Dad is out of town, I sleep GREAT before he comes to bed, when I can have all the pillows. However, you don't JUST want blankets. You want "Momma's blanket" and "Dad's blanket." I've taken to lying about your blankets being ours just to get you into the bed. Which brings me to lesson 14.

One day, you're going to have kids (or maybe not, but this will still apply to nieces, nephews, and other kids.) You need to learn to lie. I'm not talking Santa Claus lies, I'm talking about the thinking fast on your feet lies. Lies like, yes, this blanket I'm trying to get you to take is Momma's. I know you've been sleeping with it since birth, but it's Momma's. Lies like, "That was the last cookie, they're all gone." Which somehow makes it ok to not get another cookie, even though 5 minutes before you were screaming for one. So far, my favorite lie by far is "I don't know, what is it?" Which is kinda in the grey area of lie and making you think. You ask me at least 1,000 times a day "What's that?" 99% of the time, you know what it is. Also, when you say "what's that?" You sound like you're saying, "Oh Shit?" So by saying, "I dunno, what is it?" I'm making it clear to others that you're not a sailor in training, and also make you answer your own question. Which also makes you stop asking what that one thing is. Over, and over. You'll need to know these "kid hacks" because they'll save your sanity. Because, God knows I love you, but if you ask me one more time what the wall is... I might bang my head against it.

Lesson 13

Last weekend was Easter. You were so adorable. As soon as you saw your Easter basket, you screamed, "BASKET!" and took off running down the stairs to get to it. You ran all around the yard looking for more and more eggs, even though I had about 4 dozen plastic eggs for you to find. We eventually gave up and just started taking some out when you weren't looking and tossing them around so you could hunt for a little longer. I took you to see the Easter bunny, but you wouldn't even sit in his lap. I think we've finally learned stranger danger. You've never been one to shy away from people, especially the ladies. You are such a flirt! Every time we see a woman you start yelling, "Hi girl!" You'll even ignore men if there is a girl around. Doesn't matter if they're 2 or 42. We're going to be in a lot of trouble when you get older. Which brings me to lesson 13.

I like to think of myself as a feminist. There are a lot of amazing women who endured horrible things just so women could vote and have the same rights as men. There are millions of wonderful women out there, one day you're going to start dating. I want you to know, women can be crazy. I don't say this lightly, not all women are nuts, and I don't think you should assume they are. Just know that there are some women out there who will do things like trick you into getting her pregnant. Or suck all your money dry and leave. A lot of things. Just remember to never leave birth control up to your partner. Pay for dinners and things, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of. Don't hit a woman, but if one hits you kick her to the curb. You can learn a lot about a woman from her friends. If you don't like one or two of her friends, that's not a big deal. However, if out of 15 of her "BFFs" all of them are crazy, that's an indicator. Crazy likes crazy.