Lesson 14

You're going through this new phase where you won't go to sleep 100% on your own. Right now, you're asleep. Down for your nap before an overnight trip to Nana's. It took me 30 minutes to get you that way. You've been sleeping with every blanket you can get your hands on. This morning, I counted 15 blankets in your bed. Dad is worried you're going to suffocate, but I think you get it from me. I like having lots of soft blankets and pillows in bed. Truth is, while I don't sleep as well when your Dad is out of town, I sleep GREAT before he comes to bed, when I can have all the pillows. However, you don't JUST want blankets. You want "Momma's blanket" and "Dad's blanket." I've taken to lying about your blankets being ours just to get you into the bed. Which brings me to lesson 14.

One day, you're going to have kids (or maybe not, but this will still apply to nieces, nephews, and other kids.) You need to learn to lie. I'm not talking Santa Claus lies, I'm talking about the thinking fast on your feet lies. Lies like, yes, this blanket I'm trying to get you to take is Momma's. I know you've been sleeping with it since birth, but it's Momma's. Lies like, "That was the last cookie, they're all gone." Which somehow makes it ok to not get another cookie, even though 5 minutes before you were screaming for one. So far, my favorite lie by far is "I don't know, what is it?" Which is kinda in the grey area of lie and making you think. You ask me at least 1,000 times a day "What's that?" 99% of the time, you know what it is. Also, when you say "what's that?" You sound like you're saying, "Oh Shit?" So by saying, "I dunno, what is it?" I'm making it clear to others that you're not a sailor in training, and also make you answer your own question. Which also makes you stop asking what that one thing is. Over, and over. You'll need to know these "kid hacks" because they'll save your sanity. Because, God knows I love you, but if you ask me one more time what the wall is... I might bang my head against it.