Lesson 20

Well, things have been kinda crazy around here the last few weeks. Right before my first prenatal appointment, I found a lump in my chest. Long story short, the doctors want me to have it removed, sooner rather than later. Combine that with pregnancy hormones, and I've been prone to crying at the drop of a hat. You've been so cuddly lately. I'm not sure if its because of the baby or because you're picking up on some of the other things going on. Either way, I like cuddles. :) The thing that worries me most about this whole thing is that it has made me think about not being able to see you grow up. I can't imagine not watching you on your first day or school, or when you graduate college, or when you get married, when you have kids of your own... and then starts the crying. Your poor dad has been a good guy about not making fun of me, but I worry that if something were to happen, you wouldn't remember me. Ok, I'm a hormonal mess, but it brings me to lesson 20...


If something should happen, and I don't get to see some or any of those things, I want you to know that I wanted to. So bad. I don't know what could have happened to keep me from it, but I want you to know that I'm sure I fought hard to keep it from happening. Whether it was a long illness, or a sudden accident. Whatever happened, I didn't go willingly and I fought as hard as I could to keep from leaving you and your dad. I know, this is a bummer lesson, sorry about that. See, when I have time to think about things too much, I stew. The more I stew, the more upset I get. The more upset I get, the more I want to tell you everything you'll ever need to know now. It's a nasty cycle. I told you I was a worrier. :) I'm sure that whatever it is that I have to have fixed will be fine, but just in case, I want you to know that you're my favorite person.