Lesson 31

Before Nana married Bub, before she married Eric, she was married to my father. You probably won't hear about him much, if at all, but during the move, some pictures of me when I was about your age were found. He was in them and you asked who he was. This isn't the first time you've asked about my "Dad." Without getting too detailed, the truth is, my father is/was an abusive asshole. He liked to hit your Nana in front of us or not, he didn't care. When Nana divorced him, he threatened her and left her with 2 kids, a ton of bills, and scared. After the court awarded child support to Nana, he took off. Once in awhile, after child support enforcement would find him, he'd pop up. Only to take off again to avoid paying child support. After you were born, he tried to contact me. I didn't and don't want anything to do with him, I don't think he deserves to know you or your brother. Not to mention, I don't want you to be exposed to him at all. My aunts say it's out of bitterness (he of course has told them a very different story about what happened, but I was 13 and certainly old enough to remember things for myself.) I say that he had plenty of chances and for the good of myself and my family, I want nothing more to do with him. This brings me to lesson 31.

Sometimes, you have to cut people out of your life. Not out of revenge, or anger, but because you just can't take anymore of their shit. I might still be in contact with Danny Sr. if he hadn't fit the bill of an abuser so well. He saw us as a way to get back at your Nana and anytime he could string us along he would. Your uncle was too young to remember much about what happened during their marriage, but still, when he was around 25 he ended up cutting Sr. out too after Sr. had called him a year or so before. Only you can decide who you want or don't want in your life. If someone makes you unhappy more than happy, there is nothing wrong with not having anything to do with them. I'm not talking about that annoying family member who talks to loud at a party and likes to stay long past their welcome. I'm talking about toxic people who do more to hurt you than help. Never be afraid or feel obligated to just cut them loose. It will make your life better, you'll learn to get along without them, and one day you'll realize you're happier without them.